Habitualchaos

I actually did this post through Blogger, a couple days ago... but I needed something to fill out a little space, for my first few Movable Type entries... and I just decided to copy this last one for now...

Just a few things for your mind...

• Why the recent seperation of my site? Im glad you asked. Id been told, by at least a couple potential employers that my journal scares them away. I dont honestly care if it does... but I have to think about how many jobs may have sailed by because of it... so I took the high road, sucked up my stubbornness and made the change. I dont like it... but its what you call a necessary evil.

• I visited the offices of my former employer yesterday... to visit some friends. Everytime I go there, I tell myself Im gonna say something to my old CEO... nothing profane or cruel, just a sarcastic crack to let him know I wasnt doing all that good. I never do though. Im not scared to say it... the fuck is he gonna do to me? I think my pride steps up to my mouth... and reminds me its just not worth the effort... theyre not worth the effort. So disappointed too... I had a good crack about being there to study the structural weaknesses of the building... ah well, its prolly for the best. Spineless fuck.

• Everytime I go out, Im afraid to put my shoes on. Cause my carpet is such... that everytime I walk around on it and touch a lightswitch... I get shocked. Ive gotten so used to it happening that everytime I go to touch one of them, whether I have my shoes on or not, I cringe just a little... getting ready for it.

• This little journal of mine will soon be powered by Movable Type. Almost have everything set up... cause Im just sick of Blogger. MT gives me much more flexibility... and that just works out better for all of us.

I think thats it... if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

I finally got everything working with my now-powered by Movable Type webjournal. Took me a little bit... and a few stupid mistakes to get it going, but I made it.

Im actually kinda proud of myself... as this "program" takes a bit to set up. Well... not a lot to set up. Its by no means brain surgery... but I wasnt quite sure if I was on the level or not. Im real happy I understood it enough to make it work... I wasnt too sure when I started.

Theres still a couple more things I wanna do with MT... some different things my good pal Merk showed me not too long ago.

Those will have to wait though... cause Im all webdesigned out for the evening. Well... maybe not the whole evening, but at least for right now.

Id tell you to enjoy the new journal... but I didnt really change much to be able to say that... so nevermind.

I wrote not too long ago about visiting my old workplace... to visit some old friends. While I was there, I had the opportunity to try something Id seen around for a few weeks.

Im sure most people know of Altoids, the curiously strong mint... theyre fairly well known. If you dont know of them, that means you have less of a life than me... and thats just sad. Anyway, back to my story...

Lately, Altoids have gone sour (hee hee)... theyve introduced a line of sour hard candies. Theres two varieties out at the moment... Tangerine Sours and Citrus Sours. The tangerine kind are obviously flavored after tangerines... the citrus kind are advertised as a combination of lemon and grapefruit.

Now, the tangerine kind are pretty good... I tried my first one at my recent visit to my old workplace, my bud JP had some on his desk. Definitely sour... and pretty good. I found them at a local store, and since Id tried the tangerine already... I bought a can of the Citrus Sours.

After popping two in my mouth... I slightly recognized the taste, but couldnt quite place what it was. They were ok... but the tangerine are, by far, a better taste. It wasnt till I got home, and opened my medicine cabinet... that I realized exactly what those citrus kind taste like. I had to cringe... but only a little.

Those Citrus Sours taste exactly like Lemon Thera-Flu to me. For those who dont know... Thera-Flu is a hot liquid drink for treatment of colds and such. Recommended to me by my bud Miller... the stuff works, but drinking hot lemonade is just icky. What a horrible discovery... I couldnt finish the tin of Citrus Sours after that.

Im not saying those things will taste like that to everyone... and even though Thera-Flu does work... I dont wanna be reminded of drinking hot lemonade.

Something that I always hate is those unexpected situations that arise... that just fuck up your plans. The little something that happened to me the other day... fucked up some of my plans today, and definitely fucked up some plans I had for next weekend.

The situation being... apparently a fried motherboard, or at least a fucked up motherboard on my PC. I cant really say its fried... cause Im typing this entry from it right now... but its still fucked up. I actually have two computers... my 800MHz PC, and my just over 4 yr old 333MHz Powermac G3.

I spent part of today testing out a new power supply on this thing. Im having startup issues basically... when my PC gets shut down, it takes forever to get it to start Windows. As some good buds of mine, who know a whole hell lot more about computers than me... determined it was either a faulty power supply or a fucked motherboard. Well I bought a new power supply earlier today... installed and tested it, and got nothing... which pretty much tells us my motherboard is slowly dying.

So, as fucking up my plans... money I was planning on using next weekend to visit someone very important to me is gonna have to be spent buying a new motherboard and such... since I do some of my freelance work on this thing.

Stupid fucking technology...

Yknow... in between my video games and freelance work, I decided to sit down and check over a couple links in my about section. Just to see if all the links pointed to somewhere that still existed... and because I forgot where a couple of them went to.

I clicked on my cheesecake link wich leads to the New York, TX Cheesecake Co. I dont really remember why I chose this place as my cheesecake link... might have been I couldnt find a place that seemed better, I really dont remember. I havent actually been to this site for a long time... as my about section is often ignored by myself. I update some things here and there... but never on a regular basis.

Anyway... clicked on the link, just to look around... and of course I had to scroll through the flavors. Down at the bottom of the list, I found something that not only made my mouth water... but made me mad that Id seemingly never seen before now.

That being their own white chocolate cheesecake. Id never heard, or really researched for that matter, the different flavors out there... as Im sure white chocolate has to be a fairly common flavor. But the sheer impact of having two of my favorite things combined... my love for white chocolate and my seeming obsession with cheesecake... its enough to make a grown J cry.

An obsession for cheesecake, I might add, I am teased about every time I go anywhere that has cheesecake on the desert menu. Look J, they have cheesecake!... to which I always have to reply SHUT UP. It always nice to sit there, and when the waitress comes by to ask about desert... someone Im with always has to say yeah, he wants some cheesecake.

White chocolate cheesecake though... oh man, makes me wish I had a spare $40 just to try it. Yknow, Im sure some of the local convenient stores must at least have $40 in the register... and its only this one time?! Hmmm...

Did I ever mention I take donations?

Yknow, as I sit here with this PC of mine not working because of a dying motherboard... other than the inconvenience its presented all this week, Im also reminded of what tomorrow, or today since its past midnight, was supposed to be.

Tomorrow (or today rather) was going to be a day when I finally got to take a trip down to Columbus, to visit someone very important to me.

The money Ive had to spend for the new motherboard, and a couple other necessary expenses... was meant to get me to Columbus and a hotel for two days. It was meant to get me away from all this... if even for a few days. With the lack of real money Ive endured this whole year... it hurt that much more to use what I saved for my trip, to pay for some goddamn unexpected situations. Im pissed off, as I have been ever since this whole computer thing happened.

I wanted so badly to go down and visit my friend. Shes someone I care for deeply... one of only three people, besides my family, I actually trust in this world... and Ive only met her once. We met, and have maintained our friendship... mostly through the confines of an AIM screen... and yet shes done things for me on the same scale of any friend Ive ever had.

She helped me through some very dark times in my life. Shes the first woman to ever make me feel good about who I am, without being burdened about the way I think I look. Shes made the lonliness of my life, go away... if even for just moments. Shes made me cry, in both happiness and sadness... shes made me laugh... shes made me aroused... shes made me angry. Theres so much more to say about what she means to me... I cant imagine my life without her.

Every time weve been presented a possibility of seeing each other... something comes up that always prevents it. This time is no different... so you can see where my disappointment stems. It actually hurts that I cant go down there.

Its possible to think from what Ive said... that I love her. In all honesty... I can say that I do, although not in the way you would assume. Shes the first person Ive said that word in reference to, and meant it... even if its not in the romantic sense. Its been discussed... but our distance from each other has always cut off even the possibility of anything more.

Tomorrow, I'll be sitting here hoping the UPS guy will arrive. But that motherboard is gonna remind me of a whole lot more... than just fixing my ailing computer.

On a special day like today... it gets the gerbil on the wheel in my head running, and I want to take this opportunity to say something...

Thats is... thanks... to everyone. This year has been tough for me... a year filled with fear and anger. I realize the years not over yet, but nows as good a time as any to say thanks. Ive hit some mediocre highs and also some nasty lows this year... but there have been always been friends and family there to try and make it better.

So to everyone who tried... chances are you had a part, and no matter how big or small, in making this year bearable.

To those who consoled me... those who yelled at me... to those who were just there... to those who tried to be there... to those who never let me get too far down... to those who kicked me in the ass... even those who told me things I didnt wanna hear... to all of them I say thank you.

The rides not over... but all of you made the bumps a little easier to take. Merry Christmas.

1) The PC has been fixed... or as close to fixed as I can get owning a PC in the first place. Ended up the motherboard wasnt the only problem... the other being a problem that lasted me most of the weekend. The entire process has been a major pain in the ass... but since I need this computer for some of my freelance... and Im hoping said freelance work will provide me an income for now, I didnt have much choice.

2) Christmas was good... Santa was good to me. I got a Ronco Food Dehydrator, something I actually asked for. Always been a fan of dried fruit... so I thought itd be nifty to make my own. I also got $100... that was meant to be used for my Columbus trip, although the trip has been postponed (for now).

3) My first couple attempts at dried fruit/food have not exactly been successful. I tried some pineapple, which actually came out ok... they were good, but I think I can do better. The banana chips I attempted, were not very aesthetically pleasing... as I think you want a different color than gray, as an end result. There are a couple tricks to make stuff come out better, in the book... they dont sound too complicated... cros ur fingers.

I think there was something more... but I forgot what it was, so I will leave you with a quote...

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"