Habitualchaos

Ah, another almost week and a half... another post.

This week I figured Id mention the first time Ive used my health insurance in 2.5 years. Although Ive finally had some since the first few months of this year (so I was without insurance for 2 years)... the last time I had any, before that, was January of '02 when it was taken away (upon my layoff).

My use of it has been to see a chiropractor, the ol' back doctor.

Ive had back problems for years, even before my little tailbone accident a little under 2 years ago. For those who dont know about that, I came down hard on my tailbone, going a little too fast, trying to hop over a log while mountain biking. Even before that little accident, Id had some back trouble... and right around the same region of my tailbone. If I walked for too long, especially carrying something, Id get an aching pain on my lower back region.

Its plagued me for years, but it was always far and in between for me to remember. That was until my mountain bike accident... but of course then I couldnt do anything about it, being unemployed/without insurance/and scraping by on unemployment. Even after I started working for my current employer, I didnt have health insurance... so I still couldnt do much about it. Earlier this year, though, my current employer decided to change insurance companies... which left the door open for me to apply and finally get some.

Fast forward to a month or two ago, with my sister seeing a local chiropractor that my grandmother recommended to her. She got me a free consultation certificate, so I went to the back lady to finally know whats been going on with my back.

After that initial consultation, and some X-rays... she informed me that 2 of my vertabrae (round the middle of my back) are shifted back and are putting pressure on the nerves coming out, my tailbone is shifted slightly out-of-whack and my pelvic bone is shifted to the left some. Was nice to actually know whats going on with my back... and my doctor has been treating me; pushing, cracking and what-not.

Over the first couple treatments, shes said my pelvic bone is taking nicely to whatever shes doing... I havent really noticed, but I'll take her word for it; her being the expert and all. One of the treatments she does, is having me lay on my side on a couch... she then has me bend a leg, curl my arm and the she like pushes them in opposite directions or something and listens for something to crack.

It seems to be working, but whenever she does that one treatment... I am always afraid Im gonna fart, when puts the pressure on and cracks whatever she wants to crack.

Yesterday was a the end of a long road for my good bud, Devon. His elderly mother has been fighting health problems for the last few months, and yesterday she, although a fighter, lost the fight. Yesterday, she passed away. I dont know all the details of her passing... but I do know shell be missed.

Ive known her for as long as Ive known Devon, which is a good couple years. After Devs father died a number of years ago, Devon was her primary caregiver... so she went with him a lot places. We were honored enough to have her sit with us at dinner on Fridays, and a lot of Saturdays when myself, Devon, my bud Marc and a few others got together for our usual weekend plans together.

She was nice, outspoken, genuine and crazy... but the good kind of crazy; an almost constant source of laughter for all of us, especially when she had a couple drinks. She had a quick wit... and wasnt at all afraid to use it.

I mourn her passing and I will miss her... but I am happy most of all. I am happy she will never be in pain ever again. I am happy because I like to think right now... she is chasing someone who looks just like me down a hallway, keeping perfect stride, without needing her walker or scooter. I am happy because I also like to think, even better, she is sitting in her living room, having a nice conversation with her husband and her parents; after having done 25 cartwheels in a row.

I'll miss you, Mrs. Graham, or mom as I always called her... I am happy most you are in a better place.

I wasnt quite sure what I was gonna say after my last post, saying goodbye to a friend. Its been a little rougher than I thought it would be. Today I finally thought I had something to say; then I read the following, got sick to my stomach, and decided not to say anything...

Millions Blocked from Voting in U.S. Election.

Very simple actually. Why, in the name of everything decent, would I want to be thought in the same light, or be associated with a group of people that Jimmy Swaggart is a part of. I didnt even know about this till I got to work today, and my fellow designer told me about it.

I didnt know that Jimmy Swaggart stood in front of his congregation and said the following...

"I'm trying to find the correct name for it ... this utter absolute, asinine, idiotic stupidity of men marrying men. ... I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry. And I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died."

Read the article I found yourself... Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart threatens to kill gays.

Ive been sitting here for a few minutes, trying to find an intelligent remark to express my disbelief and anger towards what he said. Ive come to the conclusion, fuck intelligent remarks. If a storied, supposedly eloquent speaker like Jimmy Swaggart can resort to the level he did... then fuck any civil, intelligent remarks I had, and fuck him too.

The worst part is, I used to be a christian... I used to think that way. Nothing to the extreme of taking another persons life like the sack of shit that Jimmy Swaggart is, but I used to think being gay was wrong. I still, to this day, dont really agree with or understand the lifestyle of gay people... but none of that, not one ounce of that is enough for me to question the friendships I have, not one single fucking bit.

I dont know the first thing about being gay. Im not gay, Ive never been gay, Ive never thought like a gay person, nor could I because I dont know anything about the subject. How do you pass judgement on someone not knowing a shred of their own life or plight? Like I said, do I agree with the gay lifestyle; not necessarily... but I dont turn my nose up at it, and more importantly; its not my fucking life! If someone is in love with their partner and happy, the fuck does it matter what gender they both are? Personally, if I knew a gay couple that was truly happy... Id be completely envious of what they had, because I want that kind of connection.

I didnt think this way a couple years ago... I didnt have the outlook I do now. I was brought up to think this way, by the church like anyone else; and I was a homophobe... I still am to a small degree. But the difference between me and someone like Jimmy Swaggart is that I opened my eyes and my mind. I expect people to accept me for who I am, any friend of mine will tell you that... how could I not do the same for anyone else?

For a group of people that are supposed to cherish forgiveness and compassion above all else... why is it people like me, who walked away from that life, are the ones that are actually open minded and understanding?

Whats the difference between Jimmy Swaggart now and any other terrorist who threatens innocent lives in the name of his religion?